The “very small moments” are important
Find little moments throughout the day to think about what it is you love, respect, and honor about your mate. Devote some effort to nurturing that way of thinking. Even the seemingly insignificant interactions you have and gestures you extend to your partner can make a big difference.
Share your feelings
Take the opportunity to show your partner affection, and take advantage of sliding door moments. “Let them know how great they look this morning,” says Gottman. Express how much you appreciate the effort they put into running an errand for you or something you love about them. “Cherishing becomes a ritual of connection in your relationship.”
Bring up concerns
“Don’t avoid dealing with feeling lonely, or like you’re not as attractive to them as you used to be,” says Gottman. Talk about it so you can resolve the issues. It’s often the uncomfortable conversations that lead to bonding and attachment.
If you have a complaint about your partner, pause for a moment to think about where they might be coming from. If they can get a little controlling, maybe it will help you to remember that they’re also very supportive and protective of you. If it’s a constant issue, then it’s something you need to talk about with them. Maybe they don’t know they’re doing it.
Of course, sometimes they’re just not the right partner for you. “You can’t build trust with just anybody,” says Gottman. “When you bring up an issue with your mate, they should be open to working on it, which, in turn, helps build even more trust. It’s a real active process, it’s a mental and emotional process, where you are both thinking how lucky you are to have each other.”